Raked Over Fire

What do you do when you feel like you’re being burned alive from the inside? You know that heartbreak is the root of the pain, but at least if your arm was broken, you’d have a clear idea of the physical incident behind the cause of your discomfort. This unbearable condition isn’t so convenient to justify, but it has left you completely disabled.

You’ve rolled out of bed a thousand times, showered, and brushed your teeth a thousand more, but all of it seems so impossible right now. You keep your phone near hoping that they’ll call, you see the phone ring only to find it’s not the call you desperately waited for, but someone that actually cares about you, like a friend or family member, but you’re not in the mood to speak to them right now. It’s only one phone call you’re interested in.

You check their social media, you wonder if they’re at the cafe you used to frequent together, you block their number, unblock it, and block it again. All the places you’ve traveled, victories you’ve collected, advances you’ve made in life, and this internal fire has captured you so deeply that you’d rather die than endure it any longer.

How did it come to this? What did you ever do to be treated so cruelly? God must hate you. That’s the only explanation that makes any sense.

You’re being raked over the fire. A bond was shattered, your trust was broken, and you’ve been left alone to pick yourself back together again. You found a person you thought lifted you and you started to lose yourself, which wasn’t very hard to do because you didn’t know who you were before you entered the relationship. You’ve been chasing meaning and validation in the world for years, and you’ve just replicated the pattern by giving your validation to someone that didn’t deserve it.

You want to blame your former partner, but you can’t because you know the truth. They didn’t create this hell- you did. They just were the conduit to bring you into closer contact with the deep satisfaction you had with yourself. Don’t abandon this pain in pursuit of a new lover. You have to stay in the fire of self-loathing, and learn to love the person you are now alone with. That is your only hope to achieve a new type of liberation.

Book Recommendation: Facing Love Addiction